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Hope every one as a good Weekend - Printable Version +- Forums (https://www.theblitz.club/message_boards) +-- Forum: The Firing Line (https://www.theblitz.club/message_boards/forumdisplay.php?fid=1) +--- Forum: Combat Mission (https://www.theblitz.club/message_boards/forumdisplay.php?fid=10) +--- Thread: Hope every one as a good Weekend (/showthread.php?tid=43961) |
Hope every one as a good Weekend - Hedgehog - 01-26-2008 IRISH LOVE STORY An elderly man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon ...... ......... ......... F**k off" she said, "they're for the funeral." __________________________________________________-- You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted" Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying." A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son." Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late." Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say...talk in your sleep. Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive." A Woman's Prayer Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death. AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!! Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RE: Hope every one as a good Weekend - Combat Wombat - 01-27-2008 :cool: Mate, it is the Australia day weekend, I have had a few beers, we've made 500 against India , then sun is up and your jokes are excellent .. ! how can it go wrong !! .. have a good one 
RE: Hope every one as a good Weekend - Hedgehog - 01-28-2008 Combat Wombat Wrote::cool: Mate, it is the Australia day weekend, I have had a few beers, we've made 500 against India , then sun is up and your jokes are excellent .. ! how can it go wrong !! .. have a good one Thank's Wombat...I think you got it made Mate Ted
RE: Hope every one as a good Weekend - Extraordinarius - 01-28-2008 Rain poured down in the dark, lightning flashed and thunder crashed, and an icy wind slashed the downpour against the walls of the houses. The sick old man in bed drew a shuddering breath and said, "Jonquil, I'm dying! Call a priest." His wife burst into tears. "Not only you're dying, you're also losing your mind! 'Call a priest,' he says, and we're Jewish." "A rabbi should come out on a night like this?" |
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