Play Asylum

[Hedgehog]

Good day and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'

Today's programme features another chance to take part in our exciting competition: Hijack an airliner and win a council house! We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor the British Taxpayer. And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.

Anyone can play provided they don't already hold a valid British passport, and you only need one word of English 'ASYLUM'

Prizes include all expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 pw and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and accosting drivers at traffic lights. This competition is open to everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.

No application ever refused, reasonable or unreasonable. All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password: 'ASYLUM'

Only this week 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury £200 per night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel. They join tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over the UK.

Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington Services in historic Bedfordshire.

If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience, just apply for legal aid. Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help. It won't cost you a penny, so play today - it could change your life forever!

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas .... COME ON DOWN!

Get along to the airport, get along to the lorry park, get along to the ferry terminal. Don't stop in Germany or France, go straight to Britain and you are guaranteed to be one of the tens of thousands of lucky winners in the softest game on earth.

Everyone's a winner when they play 'ASYLUM'

[Iwo Jim]

Even though you state this in a humorus fashion I know what you say is true, and I fear Emilio Mola's 'Fifth Column' may pale in comparison to what is occuring not only in the UK but here in the US as well......(and NO this dosen't make us bigots or racists)

[Hedgehog]

And of course you have heard the saying....Many a true word spoken in jest



Ted

Age is Golden