This wasn't me at Wal-Mart

Hedgehog · 11-13-2008, 08:50 AM,

The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like

to respond like this?

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina

dog chow for my loyal pet, Bisquit, the Wonder Dog and was in the

checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and

have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a

dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably

shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that

I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with

tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way

that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and

simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is

nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it

again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line

was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the

dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff

an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he

was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in

the world to think of crazy things to say.