Back from Scotland let's have some Humour

[Hedgehog]

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...
>
> One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a £100 if you let me
>
> The girl said NO!
>
> Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "
>
> She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend...
>
> So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
>
> Her boyfriend said, "Ask him for £200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his trousers down."
>
> So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.
>
> Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.
>
> She responded, "The b(*^rd used COINS!"
>
> Management lesson:
>
> Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Fw: The power of hypnotism lh


Woman comes home and tells her husband, remember those headaches I've been
having all these years? Well, they're gone." No more headaches.

"What happened?

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in
front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache'; 'I
do not have a headache', 'I do not have a headache.'It worked! The headaches
are all gone."

Well, that is wonderful." husband says.

His wife then says,

"You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these
last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do
anything for that?"

The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes,
picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed
and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and
comes back a few minutes later, jumps into bed and makes passionate love to
his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move!
I'll be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round
two was even better than the first time. The wife struggles to sit up and
Her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

With that, he goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she
sees him standing at the mirror and saying,

"She's not my wife".

"She's not my wife".

"She's not my wife!"


His funeral service will be held on Saturday.

[Hawk555]

Well, since I came from Scotland only a few days ago I feel I must add this one.

Old MacDougal is walking to the pub with his coworker after a hard days work.
They walk past a church and then Old MacDougal says to his friend.
- Look at that church, I built that chuch with me own hands. But do they call me Old MacDougal the chuch-builder. NOOOOO!!
His friend just nods quietly and they contine they're march to the pub.
Then they see a shop nearby and Old MacDougal begins his rant once more.
-That shop there! I built that too, but do they call me Old MacDougal the shop-builder. NOOOOO!!
On they go and eventually come to the pub and then Old MacDougal says.
- The pub!! I built that one too, do they call me Old MacDougal the pub-builder NOOOOO!! But you fu#& one goat and you're labelled for the rest of your life!