Friday Humour - Early - Military Folks

[Vulture]

Just seen these guys, thought I'd share :)

Vulture


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Military Folks

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, " Admiral, United Stat es Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, " Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married,
two sons, both Judges."

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Gunnery
Sergeant, United States Marine Corps, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.

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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!
Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

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An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves,
when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The sergeant turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on
me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave".

"Not me, Chief!" the seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

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[British Tommy]

Nice one Vulture! :)

[Jobu88]

A crusty old Master Chief and an equally crusty old Gunny were having beers at the Senior NCO Club. After a few beers, they begin swapping stories about who's had the more glorious career. The Gunny turns to the Master Chief and says "You Navy boys think you've got it rough. Well, lemme tell ya something. I started off my career in Korea, fighting Commies and Koreans and our own air force the whole way. I got a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star."

The Master Chief sips his beer and nods and says "Is that right?"

"Yes," the Gunny continues, "then I did two tours in Vietnam, fighting off the NVA and Charlie and the South Vietnamese Air Force the whole way. I got another Purple Heart and a Silver Star."

The Master Chief just sips his beer and says "Really?"

"Yes, dammit!" says the Gunny, "And my last tour I went into Grenada on the first day, fighting off Cubans and snakes the whole way. I got two Purple Hearts and a Navy Cross. Now, what do you think about that for a career!?"

The Master Chief takes another sip of his beer and says, "Yep. That's about what I would have figured. All shore duty."

[Vulture]

And another one :)

Vulture (still plagued with PC problems and unable to download E-Mails :( )

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Dear Mom & Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any cops. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster, so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters & buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

Love, Jimmie