THE BLITZ EXTREME CAGE MATCH: COL T vs [hirr]Leto

[Copper]

Ah, decisions, decisions!

Keep the DAR's coming Leto this is good stuff, (even if you do only have 5 readers!!)

Well, you make 6 if you don't count the 18 visits a day that Bootie and Wigwam make to ensure I don't cross the boundary of exceedingly bad naughtiness. I think that makes some kind of record... I think I even made Bootie crack a smile (albeit a small one) with one of my jokes that he asked me to remove... it's all in good fun.

; )

BTW, if anyone wants Hans brother's address, I can hook you up if you'd like...

; )

Cheers!

Leto

[Feldfebel]

I'd be glad to hear what Dave wrote just after the Katushkas hit him

[DevilThomas]

Ok, you have yet another reader....

[The Coil]

You have two more readers than you think - I use your DARs as bedtime stories for my kids, although I do a bit of editing (for instance "hulldown on" becomes "out to lunch with").

They can't wait to find out if the good princess Leto defeats the evil witch Chapooee (god bless you).

[Antoni Chmielowski]

I read them as well ---- and really enjoy them - so please restart !

[Copper]

Holy CRAP! Almost 10 depraved individuals reading this DAR... I might need to go looking for a publicist if this keeps up!

I'll try to have the next thrilling installment of the CAGE MATCH up by this weekend... it's a doozy! (let's just say that Dave gets out the K-Y jelly and uses a very unsavory wrestling move on me...)

Cheers!

(by the way, the K-Y jelly is to stop the bleeding from the cut over his eye... what the hell are you guys thinking?)

Leto

[Antoni Chmielowski]

[quote=[hirr]Leto]
Holy CRAP! Almost 10 depraved individuals reading this DAR... I might need to go looking for a publicist if this keeps up!

I am honoured to be called depraved !

[DasTiger]

And you have one more reader. When will the book be on the shelves?

DasTiger

[Extraordinarius]

"Depraved individuals"? I guess I'm supposed to be reading this.

:smoke:

[Copper]

STIRRED TO BATTLE BY THE BANSHEE LIKE WAILING OF THE CROWD, FOCUSED COMPLETELY ON THE PERSON OF LETO, CHANTING:(DOOOOSH BAGGG! DOOOOOSH BAGGG!! DOOOOSHH BAAGGG!

DAVE COMES AT LETO LIKE AN AVALANCHE!!! LAUNCHING A CHICKEN KUNG POW SUPER KICK, HE FLIES THROUGH THE AIR LIKE A USED CAR SALESMAN ON CRACK!!

THE CROWD GOES WILD!!! THIS IS TURNING INTO A BLOODBATH!!

*The crowd sensing Leto's displeasure at having his chicken bone whacked by a drop kick, stumble drunkenly out of their seats and begin throwing small baby gherkin pickles onto the canvas... The universal sign of support from Dave's rabid fans (I don't know, Dave puts it on his website for his fandom... he likes pickles I guess)."

The turn leads off with a crushing blow:



I just knew it. At least I got that little tincan Stuart (like half a second after it fired!!! ARGH!)

Ok, no harm no fowl... (Kung pow chicken joke, remember?) I remove Dave's high heel from my arse (didn't I tell you that was part of his wrestling costume... the stilleto's kinda make his legs look sexy... except for the matted hair running from groin to hobbit toe) and go after his bloody Tac Ams... but it starts out like Sesame Street with the Count counting my misses... VUN!! VUN VUNDERFUL MISSS!!! TWO!!! TWO VUNDERFULL MISSESS!!! TREEE TREEE VUNDERFULL MISSESS!! AH AH AH!!)



I am nothing but dejected.

And about to be ejected:



Thank god the AC whizzes by the Tac am before I can get a shot... but no I have plink syndrome... somehow, Dave's managed to get an ATR into the mix... maddening, irritating, mildy prone to giving one genital itch, but not really harmful... I hope.

And just when you think things can't get any worse:



King of the bastages Dave, makes a combined infantry armor attack from out of the woods... taking out the TC of one panther, and catching it off guard and unable to shoot back at an advancing bloody T-34/85!!!

My little MG guy heats up his barrel trying to defend his big kitty overlords, and the Panther immobilized at the back of the map chirps in with a few HE shots... This is not good.

Remember what I said earlier about things couldn't get worse: Feast your dull bloodshot eyes on this:



I'm bereft of words. Bullshit. I am full of words.... many many hateful spiteful words... the loss of the Nashorn leaves me wide open down the middle, and my advancing turan turan is now immobilized in the open on the highway to hell. I lose a mortar (81mm) and the lead singer of one of my Turan Turans on the hill (no big loss, I know).

I'm going to have to shovel Dave a load of crap about how his rockets merely tickled my nutsack without revealing the gaping hole where my left nut used to be. Think I can keep a straight face?

Such is life and the world of Roe-sham-bualt*.

Here are a few cute pictures of duckies for you now... they are real cute and have fluffy yellow feathers, and you just want to HUG THEM.



Oh, I meant KATYUSHAS not duckies, and I meant huge red devestating explosions, not fluffy yellow feathers, and when I said HUG, I meant run away crying like a 8 year old boy who has just been beat up by a 6 year old girl.

Would you like to see more duckies?



Yep, at least its over with... guess what, Dave didn't drop rockets on himself... I had two salvoes of rockets with the German spotter... they have a reload time of 8 turns and then batch two of the screaming nebbies come flying. Take some notes there. That information may come in handy when playing with 280mm nebelwerfers.

Well, you guys might think this is hilarious, like Dave just launched a truckload of Fozzy Bears on my head... but far from it.... things are now in the trenches and DAVE and I have each other in a deathlock... hopefully I can chew his ear off or something, because if I lose another Panther, I may be in big trouble here.

So far Dave has losses of 2 Stuarts, 2 Tac Ams, 1 Churchill. I've lost one panther to immob, one Turan mini to immob, 1 panther GD, and a heavy armored car getting sandbagged by a nerfball hucking machine.

I don't have any infantry on the east flag, and now I may be forced to fight my way across to Dave's side of the west flag on the hill (it has taken too long for my men to make it there, and his side of the woods is teeming with Soviet troopers (I can smell the cabbage).

I could lose one shocked panther at the hands of a T-34 next turn, and I may lose another to infantry attack.

The good thing is that I believe Dave went infantry heavy and only has 3 T-34's... I have to believe that, because if he has 6, I am in for a long night in the cage, as Dave takes his time to make me his byotch.

More strategy, decision making and soiling my diapers next post.

Cheers!

Leto

*Roeshambualt - see Eric Cartman, South Park.