Joke of the day thread

[Hedgehog]

Sorry Bootie...I nicked your joke there mate from the FGM Board not meant I can assure you mate.


Ted

[Copper]

LOL... no worries Ted.

[Kingmaker]

HiHi

The Ferrari formula 1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.

The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the UK Government's Youth Opportunity Scheme and employ people from Liverpool ..

The decision to hire them followed a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from the Liverpool area were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of euros worth of high tech equipment.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown went on record as saying this was a bold move by the Ferrari management which demonstrated the international recognition of the UK under New Labour.

As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari thought they had the advantage over every team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the first practice session, the Liverpool pit crew successfully changed the tyres in less than 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged, and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 8 bottles of Stella, a kilo of speed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower.
====================================================

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.'

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for.'

All the Best
Peter

[keepitloki]

A masked man goes into a bank with a gun, runs up to the counter to demand money when his mask falls off.
First he shoots the cashier and puts his mask back on, then he turns to the man standing on his left and asks:
"Did you see my face?" The man says yes and the gunman shoots him dead. Next he turns to the guy on the right and repeats:
"did you see my face?" The man on his right replies:
"No, but my wife did"

[Stryker]

A man walks into a bar for a drink, just before he gets to the bar he slips on a pile of poo and falls flat on his back. He gets up muttering something unintelligable under his breath and proceeds to the bar where he orders a drink.
Another man walks into the same bar a few moments later and slips on exactly the same pile of poo, falls over and bangs his head on the floor.... he swears, gets up and walks over to the bar next to the first man... "I just did that" says the first man, "you dirty bastard" says the second, and flattens him.

[Hedgehog]

Little boy at the nude beach. THIS IS PRICELESS....

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women
Have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns
To tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is'

Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother,

'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he
Talks, the dumber he gets.

[Steel God]

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

[Copper]

LOL.. very good.

[wigam]

I love it. lol

[Mad Baron]

New CM game out covering the US Revolutionary War period??? :P

great film quote: ''I'm a Hessian, without no aggression.''

http://imvite.com/video/Bugs-Bunny--Yose.../t/7061334