THE BLITZ EXTREME CAGE MATCH: COL T vs [hirr]Leto

[Copper]

AND the Cage Match finally continues!

On last week's episode, El Davo suffered from an opening move faux pas that led to the crumpling of his red nosed Churchill tank... BUT because the dying tank dropped smoke (like most Allied and some Axis tanks do, but not typical RUSSIAN AFV's who are not smoke capable) and saved the bacon of his Valentine and four TaC am 76's...

TURN 3

To my utter surprise, El Davo chumps from the mat and goes for a tit twister... a heinous and horrible move that leaves a permanent nippular scar if done correctly...

He opens fire with his MG bunker? Hey wait a minute... Dave has gotten quite sneaky here... I first thought it was an MG bunker, but:



The bastage has placed the MG and Gun bunker right on top of the other!

And that darned Dave titty twists one of my Hungary hungary engineer ohs... his gun fires on my building and breaks my Hunnies right off the bat.



They stoopid bastards retreat from the building AND INTO THE WIRE and are shot dead to the man. This is what happens when you set up you own maps... the retreat directions get all screwed up, and leads to some disastrous retreats...

Not standing for this, I grab Dave by the ear, lick my finger, and prepare to insert it deep into his cochlear cavity...



Thinking my heavy armoured car save from his INF gun pillbox, up he rolls to take on the Reds.

My Turan Turan's open up on his own Romuck engineers and force them to sing a stressed version of "her name was Rio and she dances on the sand... oh shit I think I'm going to die for the motherland!"



Up moves the Heavy armored car and lo and behold...



the gun that shouldn't be able to penetrate his frontal armour pots him on the first shot, and makes me think that perhaps a CRACK 76mm INF gun gets an added fire bonus... but this should not impact upon penetration? The Romucks retreat from the front of the building and begin to pile out of the warehouse like rats (Dave must have thought it not be good to have my Turan Turans with direct fire on those buildings).

Meanwhile, my PZM15/42 shows his mettle by shrugging off a few shots from a pesky stuart...




El Davo is up and fighting... Titty twistered to death a Hungarian engineer squad with a lucky retreat, sets my house on fire (isn't that a Duran Duran song too?) and punches the lights out of my heavy armored car (that indeed sucked).

I ante up and sock it to his engineers and force them into the streets to get gunned down... thankfully, my little panzer on the hill survives his clash with an inept stuart and lives to fight another day and keep tabs on the hillside flag.

Little does Dave realize, but I lose a Panther to immobilization. In my last game against the Coil, 2 of my 4 Tigers immobilized immediately, putting me out of the game, and on the last turn, my Brumbar immobilizes on its way to neutralize a flag... therefore my luck with immobs is becoming a real concern... I ate through a coffee table seeing this very expensive Panther bite it.

I plan on swinging the rest of my panthers around and taking the east flag... one panther will slip away and head up the road to take out the Tac Am that escaped, and then make a play for the pillboxes with a flank attack from the side across the bridge.



My engineers are going to vacate the building...

"Right Elvis?"

"uh-huh"

... and then swing around and try to make it onto Dave's side of the warehouse (he has no troops left there I hope, and if they are, the Turan Turans's will lay it thick on them).

Meanwhile, my SS Cavalry badass sturmtroopers trudge up to the hill flag... Let's hope that Dave's rockets don't let fly on them while in transit and in the open... Dave's still holding onto the rockets in both his games... don't know why...

I'm thinking this game is going to get very interesting very fast... if I get too close with my Panthers and he has a flock of T-34-85's on the the right side of the map, this game could be over real quick. I'm taking a gamble moving them up, and if my gamble is correct, he's got his tanks on the other side of the map... that leaves his weak assed circus shit ready to be taken apart by my cats...

Round 5 is about to begin, and I'm already bleeding from my arse... Dave's hitting back hard, and I'm starting to look for a pipe or chair myself... the noogies to the brain may not stop him... perhaps some Krupp Steel will.

THE CROWD GOES WILD AS LETO GETS CLOBBERED BY A SNEAKY REACH AROUND MANUEVER!!! (no surprise there, that seems to be Dave's best move for some reason)... (Modded by Wigam)

LETO IS GOING TO HAVE TO REGROUP HERE, AND QUICK THE DOUBLE MG/GUN COMBO WILL BE TOUGH TO BEAT!

(voice of vendor in crowd) POPCORN!! GET YOUR POPCORN!!! NOW WITH NUTS... NUTTIEST AND CORNIEST POPCORN YOU'LL EVER EAT!!! POPCORN!!! TASTY NUTTY POPCORN!!!

; )

Cheers!

Leto