Russkies in Oklahoma!

[seabolt]

TURN 1

Many players prefer to ban turn 0 bombardment in meeting engagements. Their reasons are sound: It's not particularly realistic and it's irksome that there's no replay for your opponent's shells landing. OTOH, banning turn 0 fire strongly tempts both players to stack their units on the forward-edge road hexes and transform turns 1 and 2 into a track meet, which may be even less realistic.

None of the above factored into Epoletov and I using turn 0 fire in our duel. We did so because either a) we're fanatical, sworn idealogical enemies thirsting to fire in each other's general direction just on general principles or b) the topic's way too darn complicated for pulldown menu Translate X to Y--speak. Really, it's b), but there's always the chance that we devolve to a) by the end of the fight. ;)

Turn 0 fire creates a bit of tension opening that first file, because there's nothing quite like getting owned before you even get out of the gate. It doesn't help when your opponent engages in a bit of understated smack and writes, "Catch Russian gifts," as his e-mail. However, things weren't too bad at all, except that I paid dearly for willfully ignoring rule 0 about playing on a custom map provided by your opponent.

Rule 0 is simply that, if a terrain feature on your side looks too good to be true, it is. The guy made the map, for Pete's sake; he stuck it there to tempt you to put something valuable on it. As much as I hated to, I had to buy some Patriots as the only one-shot-kill AA available. At 284 points each (IIRC), I didn't buy a lot, so each had to cover a huge hunk of my part of the 120x160 (IIRC) map. My terrain included a maximum-height hill with three rough hexes in a row at the crest. Epoletov might as well have stuck a sign in the middle one stating "free birdseed," rubbed his mitts together, and chortled ala Wile E Coyote. But it was the only decent place to place a Patriot, and I kept thinking about how hard it can be to splatter a unit in rough with artillery.

Needless to say, I'm now down one Patriot unit ...

On the plus side, Epoletov had artillery smoke signatures scattered all over his backfield, which meant that a) like a true ex-Soviet he chose quantity over quality and eschewed any CM launchers (I could only be so lucky), b) he at most had one or two traditional CM launchers (the splattered Patriot suggested as much, but again I didn't have a replay to confirm), or c) the wily SOB found the grossly underpriced Nona howitzer packing 14 CM rounds for just 61 points (4.4 points per CM round vs ~9.8 for the cheapest US platform). I spent my turn hoping for a) or b), then his end-of-turn salvo confirmed c). The only plus side to the deal is that he's paying a fortune for ordnance units or his CM fire won't have much endurance.

[At this point I was rudely interrupted ~6.5 hours ago. Some 5 Beck's (In the can; the bottles taste like ass in the U.S.), 2 gin rickeys, and a $14 cigar later, we resume our narrative. Any continuity lapses are the responsibility of Brauerei Beck & Co.]

As mentioned previously, my side of the map includes a loop of river, with 5 VHs on the virtual island inside of it. Most interestingly, Epoletov went out of his way to destroy all three of the bridges linking to the "mainland." I had gone out of my way to purchase units for the exact same purpose. :rolleyes: I have to conjecture that Epoletov thought I might be cagey enough to shelter some assault units from his opening barrage by placing them there. It's a good thing I'm not nearly so savvy. Regardless, one has to assume that he a) plans to give up on taking those VHs (seems unlikely), b) bought a boatload of Hinds, or c) thinks very highly of his APCs' amphibious capacity. It seems most probable that I can expect a dramatically vertical assault any time now.

That said, the most interesting development was the complete lack of developments of that nature. Which is to say, the Soviet war machine (both in reality and this model) is highly specialized for jumping out and grabbing the good ground, but my admittedly conservative reconnaissance forays revealed not a single Russian unit reaching forward into the "dead man's land" between our start lines. Other than cannon smoke, not a darn thing is to be seen in the east. I can only guess that Epoletov plans to drain his Nonas of CM rounds and maximize his softening up of my positions before unleashing his ground and helo resources. I don't think that's the optimal way to play the Russians, but hell I'm the one down 284 points out of the gate.

Finally, when Epoletov's turn finally arrived, it bore the header "Oklahoma 2008." Obviously, we have a mole somewhere in the department. (I'm thinking it's Vesku. Dude smells pink to me. Maybe it's just the herring, but you can never be certain ...) If I'm a bit vague on current turn news, and backfill details later in the narrative, that would be the reason why.

-- 30 --