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Joke of the day thread
02-04-2010, 07:37 PM,
#59
RE: Joke of the day thread
HiHi

Well it made me laugh anyhow!

Security Alert Levels

Following the recent terror alert the English have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

Meanwhile...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper airplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath). New Zealand only has one more level of escalation which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". In the event of invasion New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No Worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!'; "I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend" and "The Barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

All the Best
Peter
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Messages In This Thread
Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 04-24-2008, 12:13 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Tide1 - 04-25-2008, 07:02 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Thunder - 04-25-2008, 07:31 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Tide1 - 04-25-2008, 07:37 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 04-25-2008, 12:32 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Steel God - 04-25-2008, 09:30 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 04-28-2008, 08:45 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by PzHeinZ - 05-15-2008, 08:25 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by RedDevil - 05-15-2008, 08:36 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by RedDevil - 05-15-2008, 08:47 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 05-16-2008, 01:35 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by PzHeinZ - 05-19-2008, 07:37 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 05-24-2008, 04:06 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by PzHeinZ - 05-25-2008, 12:03 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Weasel - 05-25-2008, 07:06 AM
This one made me laugh pretty good. - by Weasel - 05-25-2008, 07:13 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 05-27-2008, 03:08 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 06-05-2008, 05:55 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 06-13-2008, 07:02 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 06-20-2008, 06:41 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by McIvan - 06-27-2008, 08:42 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-03-2008, 05:06 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by keepitloki - 08-04-2008, 08:49 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Stryker - 08-05-2008, 07:49 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-07-2008, 07:50 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-09-2008, 04:01 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by James Ward - 08-28-2008, 04:24 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Extraordinarius - 08-30-2008, 10:16 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by bluehand - 08-31-2008, 04:38 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Greybeard - 09-12-2008, 01:22 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 02-03-2010, 03:18 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 02-04-2010, 07:37 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 02-12-2010, 09:02 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 03-26-2010, 07:31 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Foreigner - 04-01-2010, 02:14 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Gasbag - 04-24-2010, 06:13 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Gasbag - 04-25-2010, 12:46 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 04-25-2010, 11:22 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Gasbag - 05-14-2010, 06:57 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 05-21-2010, 02:05 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Foreigner - 05-26-2010, 02:35 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 07-04-2010, 09:10 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-25-2010, 03:49 AM
Black Testicles - by Compass Rose - 10-06-2010, 09:56 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 12-01-2010, 11:15 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Foreigner - 12-03-2010, 08:00 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Pointman - 02-13-2011, 03:45 AM
The Firefighter - by Compass Rose - 02-14-2011, 12:35 AM
And thats how the fight started - by Iwo Jim - 02-16-2011, 10:54 AM
The Irish Robber - by Compass Rose - 02-20-2011, 03:50 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Dangerfield - 06-20-2011, 02:23 PM
Glasgow School Quiz - by Hedgehog - 08-02-2008, 07:15 PM
RE: Glasgow School Quiz - by Hedgehog - 08-02-2008, 07:23 PM
RE: Glasgow School Quiz - by Copper - 08-03-2008, 01:55 AM
For Gloomy Wednesday - by Hedgehog - 08-06-2008, 11:36 PM
Dear Dad - by Steel God - 08-07-2008, 12:44 AM
RE: Dear Dad - by Copper - 08-07-2008, 12:55 AM
RE: Dear Dad - by wigam - 08-07-2008, 09:51 AM
Combat Mission: Bugs Bunny - by Mad Baron - 08-07-2008, 09:52 AM
A bit of military humour - by Walrus - 08-07-2008, 11:31 AM
RE: A bit of military humour - by wigam - 08-07-2008, 11:37 AM
RE: A bit of military humour - by Hedgehog - 08-07-2008, 08:20 PM
RE: Dear Dad - by Thunder - 08-08-2008, 02:11 AM
Priceless - by Steel God - 08-08-2008, 04:45 AM
RE: Priceless - by Mr Grumpy - 08-08-2008, 05:41 AM
RE: Priceless - by Thunder - 08-08-2008, 06:08 AM
RE: Priceless - by wigam - 08-08-2008, 09:34 AM
RE: Priceless - by Mad Russian - 08-08-2008, 09:50 AM
RE: Priceless - by PoorOldSpike - 08-08-2008, 12:28 PM
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RE: Job Application - by Bear - 10-08-2010, 12:39 PM
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Thing's to get you into trouble - by Hedgehog - 12-01-2010, 08:55 AM

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