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Joke of the day thread
08-22-2010, 07:52 AM,
#79
Priceless Observation Department
Priceless Observations Department:

Priceless Observations Department:
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath
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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
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Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
REAL OPPONENTS SEE THE BATTLE OUT TO THE END, WINNING OR LOSING
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Messages In This Thread
Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 04-24-2008, 12:13 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Tide1 - 04-25-2008, 07:02 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Thunder - 04-25-2008, 07:31 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Tide1 - 04-25-2008, 07:37 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 04-25-2008, 12:32 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Steel God - 04-25-2008, 09:30 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 04-28-2008, 08:45 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by PzHeinZ - 05-15-2008, 08:25 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by RedDevil - 05-15-2008, 08:36 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by RedDevil - 05-15-2008, 08:47 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 05-16-2008, 01:35 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by PzHeinZ - 05-19-2008, 07:37 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 05-24-2008, 04:06 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by PzHeinZ - 05-25-2008, 12:03 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Weasel - 05-25-2008, 07:06 AM
This one made me laugh pretty good. - by Weasel - 05-25-2008, 07:13 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 05-27-2008, 03:08 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 06-05-2008, 05:55 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 06-13-2008, 07:02 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 06-20-2008, 06:41 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by McIvan - 06-27-2008, 08:42 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-03-2008, 05:06 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by keepitloki - 08-04-2008, 08:49 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Stryker - 08-05-2008, 07:49 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-07-2008, 07:50 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-09-2008, 04:01 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by James Ward - 08-28-2008, 04:24 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Extraordinarius - 08-30-2008, 10:16 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by bluehand - 08-31-2008, 04:38 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Greybeard - 09-12-2008, 01:22 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 02-03-2010, 03:18 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 02-04-2010, 07:37 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 02-12-2010, 09:02 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 03-26-2010, 07:31 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Foreigner - 04-01-2010, 02:14 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Gasbag - 04-24-2010, 06:13 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Gasbag - 04-25-2010, 12:46 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 04-25-2010, 11:22 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Gasbag - 05-14-2010, 06:57 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 05-21-2010, 02:05 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Foreigner - 05-26-2010, 02:35 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 07-04-2010, 09:10 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-25-2010, 03:49 AM
Black Testicles - by Compass Rose - 10-06-2010, 09:56 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 12-01-2010, 11:15 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Foreigner - 12-03-2010, 08:00 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Pointman - 02-13-2011, 03:45 AM
The Firefighter - by Compass Rose - 02-14-2011, 12:35 AM
And thats how the fight started - by Iwo Jim - 02-16-2011, 10:54 AM
The Irish Robber - by Compass Rose - 02-20-2011, 03:50 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Dangerfield - 06-20-2011, 02:23 PM
Glasgow School Quiz - by Hedgehog - 08-02-2008, 07:15 PM
RE: Glasgow School Quiz - by Hedgehog - 08-02-2008, 07:23 PM
RE: Glasgow School Quiz - by Copper - 08-03-2008, 01:55 AM
For Gloomy Wednesday - by Hedgehog - 08-06-2008, 11:36 PM
Dear Dad - by Steel God - 08-07-2008, 12:44 AM
RE: Dear Dad - by Copper - 08-07-2008, 12:55 AM
RE: Dear Dad - by wigam - 08-07-2008, 09:51 AM
Combat Mission: Bugs Bunny - by Mad Baron - 08-07-2008, 09:52 AM
A bit of military humour - by Walrus - 08-07-2008, 11:31 AM
RE: A bit of military humour - by wigam - 08-07-2008, 11:37 AM
RE: A bit of military humour - by Hedgehog - 08-07-2008, 08:20 PM
RE: Dear Dad - by Thunder - 08-08-2008, 02:11 AM
Priceless - by Steel God - 08-08-2008, 04:45 AM
RE: Priceless - by Mr Grumpy - 08-08-2008, 05:41 AM
RE: Priceless - by Thunder - 08-08-2008, 06:08 AM
RE: Priceless - by wigam - 08-08-2008, 09:34 AM
RE: Priceless - by Mad Russian - 08-08-2008, 09:50 AM
RE: Priceless - by PoorOldSpike - 08-08-2008, 12:28 PM
Two Plastic Bags - by Hedgehog - 07-25-2010, 08:05 AM
Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, - by Hedgehog - 08-06-2010, 06:31 PM
Little Bruce and Jenny - by Hedgehog - 08-08-2010, 08:16 AM
Old School Mates - by Hedgehog - 08-17-2010, 06:00 PM
Master Card Wedding - by Hedgehog - 08-22-2010, 07:46 AM
Priceless Observation Department - by Hedgehog - 08-22-2010, 07:52 AM
Can you get Married in Heaven - by Hedgehog - 08-22-2010, 07:54 AM
RE: Can you get Married in Heaven - by Foreigner - 08-24-2010, 06:24 AM
RE: Can you get Married in Heaven - by Hedgehog - 08-24-2010, 07:49 AM
Global facts about Sex - by Hedgehog - 08-30-2010, 07:36 AM
LORD, THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER... - by Hedgehog - 09-10-2010, 07:44 AM
New Prostate Check Procedure - by Hedgehog - 09-15-2010, 08:11 AM
Six Truths of Life - by Hedgehog - 09-18-2010, 07:35 PM
New guy - by Ashcloud - 09-21-2010, 06:02 AM
RE: New guy - by Hedgehog - 09-21-2010, 07:44 AM
The Four Cat's - by Hedgehog - 09-21-2010, 07:47 AM
Wine does not make you FAT - by Hedgehog - 09-21-2010, 05:43 PM
Dedicated CM Player - by Hedgehog - 09-29-2010, 07:59 AM
GOODBYE MOM - by Hedgehog - 10-02-2010, 07:45 AM
HOW TRUE IT IS - by Hedgehog - 10-06-2010, 11:57 PM
EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY - by Hedgehog - 10-06-2010, 11:59 PM
Job Application - by Hedgehog - 10-08-2010, 07:44 AM
RE: Job Application - by Bear - 10-08-2010, 12:39 PM
Lipstick in School - by Hedgehog - 10-14-2010, 05:52 PM
Trust a Pilot - by Hedgehog - 10-16-2010, 05:55 PM
Liverpool benefits office, - by Hedgehog - 10-19-2010, 08:09 AM
Old Age Golf - by Hedgehog - 10-22-2010, 07:10 PM
Your Favourite Pub - by Hedgehog - 10-26-2010, 05:46 PM
The Promised Land - by Hedgehog - 10-31-2010, 07:45 AM
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! - by Hedgehog - 11-01-2010, 12:18 AM
Ten Thoughts to Ponder - by Hedgehog - 11-04-2010, 02:32 AM
Mathematical Equation - by Hedgehog - 11-06-2010, 12:19 AM
Any Excuse - by Hedgehog - 11-07-2010, 09:13 AM
Funny French - by Ashcloud - 11-12-2010, 08:44 PM
Keep Smiling - by Hedgehog - 11-15-2010, 08:44 AM
Dog vs Wife - by Hedgehog - 11-23-2010, 03:08 AM
CALIFORNIA LOVE STORY - by Hedgehog - 11-27-2010, 08:48 PM
Thing's to get you into trouble - by Hedgehog - 12-01-2010, 08:55 AM

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