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Joke of the day thread
12-01-2010, 11:15 PM,
RE: Joke of the day thread
HiHi

Just in.

Paraprosdokian sentences

A "paraprosdokian" is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. My desk is a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay cheques.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Service usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

All the Best
Peter
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Messages In This Thread
Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 04-24-2008, 12:13 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Tide1 - 04-25-2008, 07:02 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Thunder - 04-25-2008, 07:31 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Tide1 - 04-25-2008, 07:37 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 04-25-2008, 12:32 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Steel God - 04-25-2008, 09:30 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 04-28-2008, 08:45 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by PzHeinZ - 05-15-2008, 08:25 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by RedDevil - 05-15-2008, 08:36 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by RedDevil - 05-15-2008, 08:47 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 05-16-2008, 01:35 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by PzHeinZ - 05-19-2008, 07:37 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 05-24-2008, 04:06 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by PzHeinZ - 05-25-2008, 12:03 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Weasel - 05-25-2008, 07:06 AM
This one made me laugh pretty good. - by Weasel - 05-25-2008, 07:13 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Montana Mud - 05-27-2008, 03:08 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 06-05-2008, 05:55 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 06-13-2008, 07:02 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 06-20-2008, 06:41 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by McIvan - 06-27-2008, 08:42 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-03-2008, 05:06 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by keepitloki - 08-04-2008, 08:49 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Stryker - 08-05-2008, 07:49 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-07-2008, 07:50 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-09-2008, 04:01 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by James Ward - 08-28-2008, 04:24 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Extraordinarius - 08-30-2008, 10:16 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by bluehand - 08-31-2008, 04:38 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Greybeard - 09-12-2008, 01:22 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 02-03-2010, 03:18 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 02-04-2010, 07:37 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 02-12-2010, 09:02 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 03-26-2010, 07:31 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Foreigner - 04-01-2010, 02:14 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Gasbag - 04-24-2010, 06:13 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Gasbag - 04-25-2010, 12:46 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 04-25-2010, 11:22 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Gasbag - 05-14-2010, 06:57 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 05-21-2010, 02:05 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Foreigner - 05-26-2010, 02:35 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 07-04-2010, 09:10 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 08-25-2010, 03:49 AM
Black Testicles - by Compass Rose - 10-06-2010, 09:56 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Kingmaker - 12-01-2010, 11:15 PM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Foreigner - 12-03-2010, 08:00 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Pointman - 02-13-2011, 03:45 AM
The Firefighter - by Compass Rose - 02-14-2011, 12:35 AM
And thats how the fight started - by Iwo Jim - 02-16-2011, 10:54 AM
The Irish Robber - by Compass Rose - 02-20-2011, 03:50 AM
RE: Joke of the day thread - by Dangerfield - 06-20-2011, 02:23 PM
Glasgow School Quiz - by Hedgehog - 08-02-2008, 07:15 PM
RE: Glasgow School Quiz - by Hedgehog - 08-02-2008, 07:23 PM
RE: Glasgow School Quiz - by Copper - 08-03-2008, 01:55 AM
For Gloomy Wednesday - by Hedgehog - 08-06-2008, 11:36 PM
Dear Dad - by Steel God - 08-07-2008, 12:44 AM
RE: Dear Dad - by Copper - 08-07-2008, 12:55 AM
RE: Dear Dad - by wigam - 08-07-2008, 09:51 AM
Combat Mission: Bugs Bunny - by Mad Baron - 08-07-2008, 09:52 AM
A bit of military humour - by Walrus - 08-07-2008, 11:31 AM
RE: A bit of military humour - by wigam - 08-07-2008, 11:37 AM
RE: A bit of military humour - by Hedgehog - 08-07-2008, 08:20 PM
RE: Dear Dad - by Thunder - 08-08-2008, 02:11 AM
Priceless - by Steel God - 08-08-2008, 04:45 AM
RE: Priceless - by Mr Grumpy - 08-08-2008, 05:41 AM
RE: Priceless - by Thunder - 08-08-2008, 06:08 AM
RE: Priceless - by wigam - 08-08-2008, 09:34 AM
RE: Priceless - by Mad Russian - 08-08-2008, 09:50 AM
RE: Priceless - by PoorOldSpike - 08-08-2008, 12:28 PM
Two Plastic Bags - by Hedgehog - 07-25-2010, 08:05 AM
Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, - by Hedgehog - 08-06-2010, 06:31 PM
Little Bruce and Jenny - by Hedgehog - 08-08-2010, 08:16 AM
Old School Mates - by Hedgehog - 08-17-2010, 06:00 PM
Master Card Wedding - by Hedgehog - 08-22-2010, 07:46 AM
Priceless Observation Department - by Hedgehog - 08-22-2010, 07:52 AM
Can you get Married in Heaven - by Hedgehog - 08-22-2010, 07:54 AM
RE: Can you get Married in Heaven - by Foreigner - 08-24-2010, 06:24 AM
RE: Can you get Married in Heaven - by Hedgehog - 08-24-2010, 07:49 AM
Global facts about Sex - by Hedgehog - 08-30-2010, 07:36 AM
LORD, THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER... - by Hedgehog - 09-10-2010, 07:44 AM
New Prostate Check Procedure - by Hedgehog - 09-15-2010, 08:11 AM
Six Truths of Life - by Hedgehog - 09-18-2010, 07:35 PM
New guy - by Ashcloud - 09-21-2010, 06:02 AM
RE: New guy - by Hedgehog - 09-21-2010, 07:44 AM
The Four Cat's - by Hedgehog - 09-21-2010, 07:47 AM
Wine does not make you FAT - by Hedgehog - 09-21-2010, 05:43 PM
Dedicated CM Player - by Hedgehog - 09-29-2010, 07:59 AM
GOODBYE MOM - by Hedgehog - 10-02-2010, 07:45 AM
HOW TRUE IT IS - by Hedgehog - 10-06-2010, 11:57 PM
EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY - by Hedgehog - 10-06-2010, 11:59 PM
Job Application - by Hedgehog - 10-08-2010, 07:44 AM
RE: Job Application - by Bear - 10-08-2010, 12:39 PM
Lipstick in School - by Hedgehog - 10-14-2010, 05:52 PM
Trust a Pilot - by Hedgehog - 10-16-2010, 05:55 PM
Liverpool benefits office, - by Hedgehog - 10-19-2010, 08:09 AM
Old Age Golf - by Hedgehog - 10-22-2010, 07:10 PM
Your Favourite Pub - by Hedgehog - 10-26-2010, 05:46 PM
The Promised Land - by Hedgehog - 10-31-2010, 07:45 AM
DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!! - by Hedgehog - 11-01-2010, 12:18 AM
Ten Thoughts to Ponder - by Hedgehog - 11-04-2010, 02:32 AM
Mathematical Equation - by Hedgehog - 11-06-2010, 12:19 AM
Any Excuse - by Hedgehog - 11-07-2010, 09:13 AM
Funny French - by Ashcloud - 11-12-2010, 08:44 PM
Keep Smiling - by Hedgehog - 11-15-2010, 08:44 AM
Dog vs Wife - by Hedgehog - 11-23-2010, 03:08 AM
CALIFORNIA LOVE STORY - by Hedgehog - 11-27-2010, 08:48 PM
Thing's to get you into trouble - by Hedgehog - 12-01-2010, 08:55 AM

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