Hey Mac, every word I speak is gospel, it's what we holy men do.. :)
Hey I heard you were a lawyer used to reading documents, so just run your eye over my CV below which I attach to job applications and tell me if i need to perhaps tighten up the wording here and there, thanks.
And below that is the way I look when turning up for job interviews, it's good enough right?
MY CV
I was conceived out of wedlock,
I was expelled from school for being a rebel,
My home's been gatecrashed by a troop of demons pretending to be my family in a "False Arrival" incident,
I had a trial in 1969 for Leicester City Football Club and scored twice, I'm still waiting for the sign-up papers to arrive,
I've been under psychic attack by an elemental "Guardian of the Woods" in a crop circle incident,
A succubus (randy female demon) has climbed into bed with me,
I survived an IRA bomb attack,
I cycled from Leicester to Paris and back, pedalling 800 miles in 8 days,
I did a month in jail on a Vigilante rap,
My granma had Romany gipsy blood and I've inherited her supernatural powers,
I'm part Iron Age Tribe/ Roman/ Viking/ Anglo-Saxon/ Norman, and my surname is about 1500 years old,
I took a slug in the leg from a hitman but carried on walking,
I hung with the hippy Rainbow Tribe for a while,
I've been teleported by a UFO in the famous "Kings Lynn Incident",
Abducted by brown alien monks for my DNA in the equally-famous "Spalding Incident",
I've got a possible abductee implant scar on my hand..
So yeah, i'm one kool macho dood and, my guess is that the aliens wanted my special DNA so's they could create Mick clones to populate the universe. Next time you look at the stars, think "there could be millions of Micks out there.."
I wonder who'll play me when they make a film of my life, Bruce Willis, Al Pacino, Sly Stallone?..