TOTAL RE-COIL: The Battle for Taco Village (Coil no Entry... you Bastad)

[Copper]

Here comes the most apathetically anticipated match up since Olly Svendson put his 3 time WELTER WHALE BONE BELT up against up and coming Rach (The Scratch) Oolikov for the world title in seal slapping.

Yes, for this battle, we have found the perfect location in Italy, where a small family Taco factory produces its insanely scrumptious wares... Both sides, the allies and the axis, realize the importance of this little Taco stand (the chilie's are just heavenly, and they but the right amount of avocado garlic relish on the tip of those tacos's making anyone do the Snuffles Yum Yum Air Dance just getting a block away whiff of these fantastic little treats (SNUFFLES, WOULD YOU LIKE A DAWWG BISS KIT???).

Who will capture the fabled Taco Stand in Taco Village? The outcomes of this battle will surely decide the fate of the war in Europe, and either way, signal the beginning of the Mexican Flavor Revoluccion that will sweep its way across Europe!!

Stay tuned for the Rosters and Setups.

And get out that Salsa... this one is going to get hot (and perhaps lead to convulsive diarhea for some).

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

AND HERE LIES OUR OBJECTIVE:



In the middle of town, the Taco Stand sits strategically positioned... to the east is the Taco Factory, and to the west, a smaller flag represents a hidden cache of Tacos that the villagers are hoping to keep for themselves... but the Canadians will have none of it!

Fueled by a constant craving that crosses borders and boundaries, elements of the Canadian 1st Division under Major General C. Vokes, 2nd Field Park Company of Engineers have been dispatched to take the Tacostand for their own, or destroy it... not allowing it to fall into Jerry hands...

As the Americans got wind of this operation, they demanded that they send troops as well, to "monitor" the capture, dispersal and consumption of Tacos.

Thus the troops being sent into the fray are:

Yanks
1 Platoon of Priest howitzers (6)
1 Platoon of M-10 Tank Destroyers

Canucks
3 platoons of assault troops (each with a PIAT)
1 Company of Engineers (1 PIAT, 1 LMG)
1 M3 HT and 57mm towed gun
1 FT unit
1 Veteran Sharpshooter
1 76mm Mortar unit
2 60mm Mortar units

As the Alllies do not get the benefit of choosing from a whole infantry battalion (and perhaps why Le insidious Coil chose the Krauts), they are often disadvantaged in 2000 point melees. No worries... We've brought along 6 Priest 105 howitzers to take care of that dirth of Dirty Dirty German infantry...

As Le Coil is a smelly one indeed.... I suspect that he will send a Tiger and platoon of StuG's at me, with a 1300 battalion of German rifleman... we shall soon see.

Cheers!

Leto

[RedDevil]

you should use caution as Le Coilio might "season" the goods with a special infantile posterior rub...

[Copper]

"The German soldier fights the fiercest when he knows that there may be Tacos on the line. Throw in some chipotle sauce and saurkraut and they are... madmen."


-Field Marshall Montgomery
Italy, 1943

To defeat the enemy, you must think like the enemy...

CLICKIES!! CLICKIES!! OOH LOOK A TACO!! CLICKIES CLICKIES CLICKIES!!!

Well that didn't help.

This is a 2000 ME QB, that should be a very interesting lesson to those out there on how one deals with the German advantage in this situation. Unfortunately, I will betray a few tricks of the trade (and then I will have to come up with some new ones, as these are actually getting old).

My strategy is simple. Find Le Coil, and kick him in the nuts. The process is not quite so simple though. Here is the attack from the western perspective:



This clearly shows infantry moving forward while my howitzers sit mostly silent. Moving infantry up first and tanks up second is a good plan if you know your opponent is a sneaky bastage... as I belive Le Coil is... even if you are playing someone who loves to drive like a bat out of hell straight to the objectives, and then park their fannies right on top of it, this unit selection is perfect, as you can indirect fire the crap out of his infantry, and draw his tanks forward to try and get the Priests, and then pop the tanks... Racing to and sitting on an objective is perhaps one of the dumbest strategies you can take... although sometimes that is the best option... the good players know when.

In the east, I am pulling the classic flankaroo, and hoping to pluck a feather out of a pidgeon's arse if things go right. IF thar be STuG's, then sneaking around and potting them in the flank is a neat way to go... you need to be mindful of guns on the German side, and of course hidden infantry etc... so there are risks:



Yes, I am a sneaky bastage (well at least I try).

This last screenshot shows the smoke and dump... if you know there is a chance that a panzer might just swing around the corner and cause your gun lorry driver to drop a load in his shorts, which is then scattered across the countryside when the AP round hits and blasts the lorry and soiled britches of the driver to kingdom come, this is the way to go. You betray a priest position, but you manage to get a FT unit into a building close to the (DRROOOLLL) Taco stand flag and an AT gun that has flank access to the Taco Factory... We'll see how it goes... it's not the end of the world if I lose those units.



I'm not sure what to expect from Le Coil... I know he would love dearly to beat me, and then dance around like an idiot pointing at me and singing: "NAA NAA NAA NAAAAA NAAAAAA."

That's the thing... a new opponent can sometimes spell trouble... and you may be left holding a really horrendously smelly diaper at the end of the game.


: )

Cheers!

Leto

[Rico (FGM)]

I didn't know Tacos were originally from Italy... you learn SO MUCH here ate the Blitz.

[Copper]

I didn't know Tacos were originally from Italy... you learn SO MUCH here ate the Blitz.

Look to the book: "Mythology of the Clicky", by Mark Sweeney, published by Too Much Time on My Hands Press. That should explain the Taco business. Or just do a search on "clicky" at the blitz.

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

"He who controls the Tacos controls the universe."
- Baron Vladimir Le Coil


And just how Evhul is Mon-sewer Le Coil?

Very Evhul... I should have known that his playing against Col T may have rubbed off on him. On the far east, 3 Panzers round the bend and begin to fire upon my engineers advancing up the road (I had sighted out the LOS, and I did not think that an armored advance up that road would be able to fire upon them). No worries, they were in formation that allowed them to duck into cover along the side of the road, and only one man in the entire platoon is wounded, and there are no panics or routes. The good thing is that moving anywhere else, I may not have seen that Panzer advance. And this my friends, is a good thing.



Also note, that the panzer IV?'s are still unknown vehicles. I suspect because there is a trio of them, that we have my STuG's as predicted... and that there will be a TIGGER crawling near the village quite soon. Le Coil has seen the tactical advantage of using the depression just to the east of the Taco Factory Flag, and I would infer from his 1st turn movements, that these "STuG's" are moving towards it to get hull down status on the Taco Factory Flag and to guard his flanks.

Unfortunately for Monsewer Le Coil, my quartet of TD's is moving down the eastern side of the map, still capable of flanking those STuG's if they go into the depression. Here is a good gaming tip for the process of stalking on a flank with AFV's. If you know that you can't be seen or heard yet, SLOW DOWN. Switch from fast to move, hunt or even contact. This will reduce your noise dispersion and hopefully keep you hidden until you want to pounce.

I will slowly move forward and let my engineers recon for any other obstacles that may stand in the way of knifing those StuGaroos in the back... (I will need all the help I can get, as the computer screwed me with selection and I have 2 green and 2 regular M-10's, purchasing them as a regular platoon.... sigh...)

In the middle and right in front of the Taco Stand, my M3 bolts forward, gun in tow and FT unit riding shotgun, straight to a very nice position that gains flank status on the eastern Taco Factory flag, with LOS down the middle road as well. The AT gun's back will be protected by the house and my FT unit may have to hold back some charging german infantry... but as his main tank thrust is coming down the east road, there shouldn't be much of an advance force of German infantry tank riders to contest the early stage Taco Stand flag:



The smoke works well, but remember its raining out... 105 smoke begins to dissipate on turn 4 so we need to be cognizant of how long the smoke remains in the rain...

So far so good.

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

"The Tacos must flow..."

-Third stage Guild Navigator (named Guadalupe' Torrez, Minister of Trade for Mexico)

I now know more about Le Coil's unit configurations... at a bit of a cost, unfortunately. Expecting at least one 150 IG is par for the course when playing against Germans in a QB, but there are often people that forego the Gun, and instead choose the Grille... much like Le Coil has here. Two 150mm HE rounds strike near the middle of the town. Le Coil has his beasty parked on a hill at the back of the map, with complete LOS to the Taco Stand. The smoke in his eyes, Le Coil opts to indirect fire into the middle of the street, expecting my light armor to charge forward perhaps:



My gun gets to the crater, but even though a 150 blast hits 50m away... the crew breaks! That will teach me to throw a FT in the HT with it, instead of a leader. Anyhoo, my Captain is now legging it to get within command range to bring my AT gun out of broken status.

Two implications: 1) The 150 gun can now target the light building and demolish it with 2 hits... I need to bolt my FT dude out and into the crater in front of it if I have a hope of him surviving at all. 2) That AT gun will probably be taken out by the explosion of the building.

Oh well...

Knowing there is a trap is the best method to avoiding a trap, and his exposure of the 150 Grille perhaps may work against him, as now I know not to move my infantry into the LOS area that his Grille may have anywhere from the hill he is using at the back of the map. It's also 2 of perhaps 12 HE rounds he has, unlike an IG which has 40. That IG would have been hell... but who knows... Le insidious and spiteful Coil may have another...

As well, 2 StuG's with infantry are spotted moving from the hill... although confused, I'm not exactly sure as to what I am facing... but it is beginning to look like this:

2 StuG platoons: 300 + 300 =600
1 Grille = 100
Battalion of German infantry= 1300

Until I see any other units that may upset this framework, I will forge ahead on this information. Once again, laying back and figuring out what the opponent has is a valid tactic, and I'm doing pretty well so far..

In the East, Le Coil impresses me by not relying on LOS targeting of my troops and he instead opts to area fire into my positions just in case my men go icon on him... Of course, I lose the one unit that can fight off his beasties... my poor green PIAT crew gets popped and runs away a man short and broken. Let's hope that those M-10's can remain hidden and get the drop on zee diaper demon...



Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

"I like making it with green chicks... oooh yeaahhh..."

-Captain James T. Kirk.

And while on the subject of Kirk, I shall attempt to do my best impersonation of him doing his Wrath of Khan bit with a slight improvisisation fitting to this DAR:

KOOIILLL!!!! (heard in valley)

KOIILLLL!!!!! (heard across continent)

KOILLLLL!!!! (heard in outerspace... and yes, I know, you can't hear anything in space, because it is a vacuum, but the pure energy of this Kirkian-esque scream is capable of transcending time, space and laws of physics....

No more than 10 seconds into the turn, a second Grille opens up on the light building, and guess what happens???



Yep.

LMAO!!!

Ever have that feeling that the cosmos is setting you up for a really massive purple nirple?

Being the positive guy that I am (*cough*, choke, BULLSHIT *sputter*), at least I realized that I'm facing 150 guns that have a perfect LOS into the town before my very shiny and pretty Canadian troops showed up to dine on 15cm shells. Guaranteed that won't happen now...

No use moving forward any further... time to start positioning for Le Coil to move to take the flags himself... and then return the favor with Yank 105's a la mode... (with some whipped cream and a sweet little cherry on top...)

Recon by death. You gotta love it. Too bad I wasn't smart enough to use only an expendable scout instead of a gun crew...

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

“The slow blade penetrates the shield.”

-Gurney Halleck, and troubador warrior of Leto's merry band of minstrels... (who does not get eaten btw)

Interesting developments... As somewhat predicted, the panzers from up the east road slide into the depression and instead of slapping a bit of peanut butter and jelly on bread and having a nice little picnic... two panzers race along the depression towards the west, most likely thinking they have concealment.

Unfortunately for the panzers, one of them gets an unanticipated proctology exam from Dr. Sadler:



Definately not a surgeon this one, as the turn previous the M-10's got in two 50% rear shots for misses... thankfully Dr. (Adam) Sadler appears to have the hang of it now and parks a slapshot into the butt of one of the panzer IV's... the other gets away (to fight another day).

Le insidious and evhul and most repugnant Coil has also used another famous move, the slow draw... rushing the 3 panzers down the road and then keeping two in reserve for overwatch... the unholy sodomization of panzer unit 334 has caused these two overwatch tanks to scoot into view... most likely looking for vengeance...

One point: those two panzers may have been a critical element in laying another ambush on my M-10's from the far east side of the map... Le anxious Coil moves to soon in my humble estimation and exposes his two aces...



Thus when re-reading the thoughtful quote at the beginning of this post, those who have the will to lay back and not expose all their units, will definately have a better opportunity for sinking the blade into your enemy...

Now I know that Le smelly and vociferous lover of da clicky, mon sewer Coil, has gone armor heavy on my slightly larger than average ass, with:

3 StuG
5 Panzer IV
2 Grille
Which means he has enough for 2 companies of infantry... (which rounds his points total to 2000 almost on the button).

Not by any means does Le Coil have his pants down around his ankles, but he has missed a few golden opportunities... This will be a tough fight.

Time to think about some new strategies to deal with all those bloody panzers... banana in the tailpipe perhaps?

Cheers!

Leto