TOTAL RE-COIL: The Battle for Taco Village (Coil no Entry... you Bastad)

[Copper]

"Poor Old Sots destroy initiative by preaching holy routine. There is little that they hate more than innovation, especially innovation that produces better results than the old routines. Improvements always make those that think they are at the top of the heap look inept. Who enjoys appearing inept?"

- Treatise on Innovation in CM Warfare

There is a song I would like to introduce to you, that often rollicks through my mind when playing the opening turns of a CM game. It goes something like this:

"Scooby dooby doo, where are you?"

Well, ole Scoob is out in the open now, looking for his Scooby snacks...

Sgt. (Adam) Sadler gets on the horn to the howitzer jockies, (after first calling back to HQ to order a bucket of Popeye's chicken... mmmm.... love that Popeyes...) and convinces them with the lure of fresh biscuits and deep fried dirty bird to move in to attack the lone panzer that has escaped the wroth of the M-10 platoon.



The 3 panzers in pic a nic basket valley can coordinate with their cousin, panzer unit 335 to move on my M-10's... in the background, another SiG 150 trundles across the map to help out with the panzer pack (looks like Le monstrous and smelly Le Coil has bought a whole platoon of the Grille's... one is still missing) I'm thinking Le insidious and spiteful Coil wishes to change a few poopy diapers in the panzer waggons and mount an attack on my TD's... the 150 can park an extremely large shell into the midst of those M-10's and cause real damage, so I cannot let him join the fray.

Hopefully, the howitzer jocks haven't been into the Kentucky Bourbon much this afternoon, and one of them can pot the lone panzer in the side (I'm hoping that the ascerbic and hateful Coil has covered arced him), and then the M-10's can retreat to pop up somewhere else unexpected as my infantry platoon moves up to get better control of the east side of the map, and you never know, on a hail mary chance, get to huck a demo charge at a squarehead.

Don't worry all of you who are rooting against me... these little machinations almost never work...

Cheers!

(you can't spell ELO without)
LETO

P.S. You can't spell EGOTISTICAL KNOW IT ALL ARSE without "Leto" as well... trust me, its complicated, but very true.

[Copper]

"Any road followed precisely to its end leads precisely nowhere.
Climb the mountain just a little bit to test that it's a mountain.
From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.
But you can make Fart-ee noises with your armpit that you can hear."

- Leto's litany against seriousness

Le Coil. Smelly. Insidious. Clicky Lovah.

As predicted, he strikes with the speed of a rubber snake. He splits his tanks in pic a nic valley so that two move back into my LOS and two move forward into my LOS. WHAT SAY YOU?? FOUR!?? Yep, somehow, Le surrepticious Coil managed to get what looks like an armored car into the Valley unnoticed.



The front panzer and the AC bite the dust... but one of my shiny M-10's gets a slap upside the head by the lone panzer that escaped (back to fight another day... I knew that would come back to haunt me... bastard Yank gunners...!!)

Sgt. (Adam) Sadler gets the bucket of popeye's shout out of his hand, and in a panic, chokes on a greasy chicken bone, and becomes a statistic... the lead M-10 is shocked.



Perhaps that AC is actually the 4th Grille?? Guaranteed its dead though... did not move or fire the whole turn after getting a full frontal lobotmy. So far, I have won this round, and need to retreat and regroup... luckily, Sadler's 'Popeye express' TD is in full reverse and out of LOS when the new turn arrives, and I'm hoping that he can get out of site before the panzers butter his biscuits for him... it will be awhile before Sadler is back in the fight, as he will need a mourning period for the lost bucket of fried chicken.



The Grille on the hill, is a very bitter pill, and his firing on my men is making them ill... well, one man from my platoon leader unit either got a piece of shrapnel in him, or a projectile chicken bone from Sadler's exploding bucket of Popeyes. They will be withdrawing toot sweet next turn. The rest of my plucky Canucks hit the dirt. The howitzer jocks are about to crest the hill, and hopefully all three will punch the lights out of the Grille on the hill. That will also force the lone Pzr IV to reconsider his options...




I'm hoping that the panzer IV does not get into LOS of the Priests this turn, and that they concentrate entirely on wiping the Grille from the face of the planet. The slow ROF of the Grille practically assures that it is a pretty good bet for exploding into pretty sparky sparks.

LE insidious Coil is fighting like a Tiger... his infantry are not to be seen (leading me to wonder if he bought any... LOL!) and his StuG's are keeping overwatch on the town... That's fine by me... if he wishes to split his forces, I will do my best to take advantage and concentrate all of mine on one or the other...

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

A SECRET REPORT FROM WITHIN THE (Blitz) GUILD.

"It appears that Leto is recovering"
"He cannot win!! His EGO must be placed in check"
"I know, I hate that sonofabitch Leto as well... what a frickin douchebag he is.."
"*sniffle*, why isn't anyone paying attention to me??? After Leto dissed me by not putting me in the "who's best poll", nobody even stood up for me and put my name in the hat so that everyone would know that I am the greatest CM player in the world... *sniffle*... I'm not posting here again until you get rid of that Hooligan Leto... Do something Dev..."
"Oh shut up, you're in 250th place in the ELO... what planet are you on man?"
"Perhaps we should let Coil view Leto's DAR, maybe that will help tip the balance"
"No, no, we'll have to email Coil his moves so that no one can ever accuse us... besides, that goody two shoes McIvan has ruined all our fun with looking over our shoulder when we abuse the system like that"
"Well, something MUST BE DONE... I can't stand Leto winning again... I'd rather eat my left nut. God I hate that guy."
"We all hate him... he's a know it all, attention craving, smart ass... but he's still better than you know who..."
"*sniffle* Fine, I'm leaving and taking all my stunning screenshots with me"
ENTIRE GUILD ROLLS EYES
"I suggest that we knock Leto off his game by pretending another hacker got into the MB and knocked out the rep points... we can reduce them to negative 2 or something, and call him a booger face... and say that we can't fix it"
"Excellent"
"that should rile him"
"that worked well enough when Leto was beginning to surpass my rep point lead... I can't believe everyone fell for that... everyone elses rep points were lost except for mine... what idiots... it can work again"
"It is settled, we will then begin emailing Coil Leto's moves, and attack Leto's rep points"
"Agreed"
"Agreed"
"Agreed"
"Agreed"
"*sniffle* but I'm a tripple ladder leader"

END REPORT.

Pretty much as I suspected... lol.

Cheers!

Leto

[Chipmunk]

What quality are your AFVs Pete?

[Copper]

What quality are your AFVs Pete?

M-10 (regular picked) 2 regular, 2 green
Priests (conscript picked) 5 conscript, 1 green

I actually got the raw deal on my AFV's from the computer. Oh well.

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

And btw, due to the fact that I am an unabashed clicky whore, if you like the entertainment provided herein, please feel free to give me a Taco... er clicky.

A SECRET RETORT FROM WITHIN THE (blitz) GUILD
"Ah, there he goes, always seeking some kind of feedback confirming that he's ever so good, and oh so smart... what a douchebag..."
"Too right."
"I say we kill him"

END RETORT

Cheers!

Leto

ANOTHER SECRET RETORT FROM WITHIN THE (Blitz) GUILD
"there he goes making fun of himself, trying to act all humble and not serious... that is the worst kind of crap you can lay on someone... I can't believe he thinks that we can't see right through him"
"Ass"
"I say we kill him"
"I have a better idea, let's invite him into FGM and then make him our ass slave"
"What's with all the anal talk all the time... sheesh, are you gay or something"
"err.. no... it's just an expression..."
"gheyboy"
"Leto's just trying to make you think your ghey if you don't see things his way... can't you guys see that?"
"Let's just make a snide one line comment deriding him, or saying he's bent"
"nah, let's not even go that far, just use a smiley that roll's its eyes"
"yes, better... its more casual and makes us look cooler than him"
"yes, let's do that"

END REPORT

[RedDevil]

Why muck up a decent DAR/AAR with POS and "Blitz Guild" comments?

I should subtract 10 points from your bonus each time you stray off topic on it but I guess anything for a laugh...

[Copper]

Why muck up a decent DAR/AAR with POS and "Blitz Guild" comments?

I should subtract 10 points from your bonus each time you stray off topic on it but I guess anything for a laugh...

First, where did I say the name POS anywhere?

Second, I think you presume too much in stating that the DAR/AAR is 'decent'. You probably would have been more on track with the conjunctive "sub par", or the more decisively correct term: "crap".

Third, I will be sending you a trans X sized crate full of humor pills... try not to wash it down with the 3 pints of whiskey that you drink every day to encourage such consistent foul moods...

: )

and Fourth... realize that nobody reads these DAR's but you, and perhaps Peek. So the politically incorrect humor doesn't have a lot of leakage into the main Blitz population. Therefore, no worries.

Fifth... and finally on a serious note... If you really do have issues with anything I write in these DAR's, please PM me... I have no problems with you letting me know if you think I have crossed the line, and would appreciate the chance to delete something that may be considered offensive or improper myself, as opposed to censorship.

It's all good RD...

; )

Cheers!

Leto

[RedDevil]

I don't censor these days, Ivan does..it's his puppy for the time being

This was my 1st reading of both your and coil's AAR/DAR, Gotta say I was impressed until those last couple, but like I said, anything for a laugh I guess :)
I just thought it was akin to going on and taking a dump anyways, when you looked and saw the roll was empty..

[McIvan]

Well, I've been away, but am back as of last night.

An obvious couple of teases there.

Fortunately, I doubt Spike reads this stuff (as soon as I re-read this, I somehow know I will be proved wrong in short order), and Randy has become so mellow you could use him as a meditation training aid.

But I'm uneasy on quips being posted that could provoke angry reactions and yet another round of moderating (hoick, ptuh). Please make my life easy, as I am just a simple man trying to make his way in the universe :cheeky:

Love the DAR. Get on with it!! :)