TOTAL RE-COIL: The Battle for Taco Village (Coil no Entry... you Bastad)

[Copper]

"Wild Fremen said it well: "Four things cannot be hidden -- love, smoke, a pillar of fire and a man striding across the open bled."

- Dune Chronicles

...and a 105mm Howitzer carriage. Leto update, 2007 edition.



No worries, he gave as good as he got...



Le Rodomontade and Bombastic Coil, ever confident in his massing panzer flock, dictates his Grille to begin indirect firing on the Taco Factory flag... zee 150mm stinkee diaper finds no one at home (little does he know... I have retreated my men from their previous position, a la musical chairs... (I've been running and hiding them from place to place, just in case Le scabious and corniculate Coil tries to unload his poop laden projectiles upon my heroic Canucks... they survived Ypres, and they will survive this malicious contravention of the Geneva convention as well...)

My lone M-10 finds the road in the corner of the map and will be in town shortly to assist the beleagured howies... The fulll onslaught of Le vermiculate Coil's panzers appear to be moving with haste like Craven Creatures descending upon the corn tortilla wrapped goodness before them... I'll need some kind of good luck here soon to make up for the poor shooting and immobilized "in open ground" M-10...

At this juncture, I resign the fact that I cannot hold if ole Clicky Lovah decides to launch his panzers at my throat and force the battle upon my now reduced platoon of Priests. I have to bring the true muscle of the Canadian might into the fray: the prairie boys with their rifles, bayonettes and beer enfused courage... trained to rip apart panzers with their bare hands back home through exercises such as headbutting combines, tractor pulls (pulling off their large wheels with their large blocky teeth, honed to perfection and strength through eons of inbreeding and beer bottlecap removal) and the infamous and feared exploding prairie oysters technique (the placing of two grenades within a sock so that they resembled a set of bull's balls and then securing them with a shoelace, imitating the castration process... delivering them like a bolo at the gun barrels of a panzer as if it were a game of horseshoes... and on a good occasion, around the neck of an unfortunate panzer commander caught blindsided in his cupula... and on an evn rarer occasion, around the pecker of a german trooper... making for a sweet sweet ironic kaboom).

Horn's begin to bellow from the belly of Helm's deep and the Canucks begin to muster... the Germans lurking in "SERENITY NOW" Cove are about to receive a finger flick to their nuts the likes of GOD has ever delivered.

I intuit an urgency in the beast Coil-ban... his freemartinish and magniloquent rhetoric has taken on substance over the last few turns, and I believe he senses sweet victory (or what Le Coil refers to as a draw) as his shivaree swells into a crescendo of cocksure colloquy in the emails he delivers...

(BTW, you should pick up the great tome by Eugene Ehrlich called, "the highly selective thesaurus for the extroardinarily literate"... my family knowing my tendencies well, bought me this eclectic dictionary 10 years ago... and I have a wonderful urge to stupify people with it from time to time... I'm actually using it to prop up my common vocabulary at the moment, but I have to say, it is quite delighful insulting Le Coil in high english so that only McIvan can understand)

Back to common-ese next post... I promise...

: )

Cheers!

Leto

[Rico (FGM)]

Great read... lots of fun... the way CM SHOULD be played ;)

Learning so much... ok, not so much about CM tactics, I admit.

Keep up the good work.

[Copper]

"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.(a fat bastard-esque protracted squeaking one cheek sneak proceeds for about 30 seconds, with a small dribble of wetter sounding flatulence, and then the quote ends)"

-Paul, son of Leto

You see, this is what happens when you preach tactics, provide tips and outline both through DAR's of your own for all the world to see, and eventually the world adopts them and then hone them to a fine art; to the level where it's emulated so well that you may end up getting your own arse kicked.

Le rueful Coil has admitted to me (as if it were not obvious) that he has taken this one completely from my own playbook, admiring the hetzer-grille combo used to whoop the ole polecat Colonel T.

Let me outline once again (shudder... I'm an idiot). Each Grille is protected by its own hetzer (usually the same frontal shell bouncing propensity of a brumbar), effectively giving you a long range killing machine, and an anti infantry nightmare rolled up into one neat little package of two units working in conjunction. As you see below, Le abominable Coil is replicating this tactic, sans the hetzers, and using StuG's instead:



Not to mention he has two other panzers in the field moving forward, and a hidden panzer IV in the backfield working overwatch duty, just in case my M-10's try to pull a flank manuever on his approach route.

I also notice that the 4th grille has appeared, and that whay I killed in pic a nic valley, may indeed be an armored car (drat). This is highly perplexing, and now I am cursed with the need to actually think about this one for a bit before sending out the new turn (perhaps thinking at a bit of a healthier clip earlier may have prevented this impromptu need to think now... but I better not think too much about that... counterfactual thinking is often unproductive, and is not a significant characteristic of risk taking personalities... which come to think of it, I am not... damn... thinking too much about the wrong things...

I think I'm in trouble.

The way I see it, I have two options... full retreat, or stay and take it in the ass. Le smelly one has enough HE to level a large Japanese industrial city, and thus will no doubt tear apart the entire countryside as he advances. So much for the Taco shells remaining undamaged.

I can continue to smoke the approaches as my triplets to the west have about 21 smoke shells each... but this becomes a dangerous game as a panzer can slip in under the smoke and pot one of my howies while he leisurely puffs away.

In instances like this, the Yanks just call in air support or artillery, and sit back and enjoy Miller time... but the bulk of the forces are Canadian, and thus we don't move to the same beat... (okay, we don't have planes and artillery... lots of rocks.. somehow they seem to magically appear in our fields every spring before seeding).

As this is turn 21 of a 30 variable game, I may need to survive another 15 turns of this... and Le putrific Coil is barreling down on the Taco Factory as if it were... uhm... well... a Taco Factory (drooool).

Time to think think think... perhaps strap a few demo charges to the livestock and stampede them into the german armor... maybe let Lance Corporal Burnbrough use his innate ability to speak with nature and cause the trees to uproot and come to our aide? Speaking of aide, where are our loyal allies, the British? Loafing Tommies... drinking tee and chewing scones with horrorshow grins I reckon.

DAMN DAMN DAMN... I suppose I could do what everybody else I play does when I am whooping them... just slow my turn rate down so that it barely meets the 3 week minimum keeping the game from being recorded by abandonment...

I'll get back to you guys soon... (insert plethora of Coil curses here)

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

A SECRET REPORT FROM WITHIN THE (blitz) GUILD

(Someone puts on a Kool and the Gang LP)

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!! LET'S CELEBRATE!! IT'S ALRIGHT!

"sweet"
"hehehe"
"I still say we kill him"
"*sniffle* I could have beat him if he would have had the guts to play me... for the 14th time..."
"shuddup already..."
"Leto is... and I really have to emphasize this.. a douchebag... and I hope that he get's ass cancer, as well as loses this one"
"harsh"
"you do know that he is a cancer survivor at a very young age, right?"
"uhm"
"really"
"wow"
"what did he have?"
"testicular cancer... he actually did lose his left nut... and then it got into his lungs and he had to have more surgeries... and then chemo that almost killed him... the docs were reallly worried about it moving to his brain, so they did a CT scan of his head... and they found 'nothing'... get it... they found 'nothing' in his head... lol... no brain? Get it... he's dumb... ah you guys go play with your little figurines... you just don't get humor"
"well, I feel bad now"
"me too"
"we shouldn't be so hard on him"
"I say we still kill him"
"!!??!!"

; )

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

"Only the fool truly does not know he has been fooled, unless a fool attempts to do the fooling... the fool then may fool himself, or fool the other fool, yet not know the other fool has been fooled, and in so doing, two fools are fooled."

- anonymous fool

It hath begun:



Le (hwwwyaauuk, pitoooeee) Coil's troops emerge from the smoke, but the smell of saurkraut assaults the senses of the good Canucks more fiercely than german bullets and shells... my musical chair game is working. But like a trenched coat pervert, anxiously waiting for the school recess bell to ring, Le Coil exposes himself too soon and gets nothing but a slight glimpse from a granny with cataracts... his troops cross through the smoke supported by a thin alley of fire from his panzers and assault guns behind them... anticipating this, I ordered two priests to fire smoke across the gap and by the end of the turn, his salvos are silenced as a wall of smoke goes up behind the advancing german troopers... the next turn will not be good for zee Germans as all guns are brought to bear upon the onrushing Jerries... safe from persecution by Le Coil's guns.

Serenity Now!! Cove trembles and shakes as 3 platoons of Canuck troops mobilize. The lead Leftenant pushes his glowing thundercanuck ring and the three companies tranform into" CANUCKZILLA", a 5 story tall mechanical monster, wielding a deadly hockey stick weapon with laser puck eyes... The Canuckbot crashes forward to find a scout team of Germans. The giant metal maple leaf embroidered killing machine reaches into a portable cooler on its back and pulls out a King can of Molson Canadian beer, shakes it and then lobs it at the cowering Germans.... an earth shattering explosion occurs as the barley is returned to the soil, along with the bones of many german recon troopers.... ah well, something like that anyways:



One of Le (hwwwwaaacckk snoooorrrrt snorrt snoooooorrrrttt hwwwwwaaaccckkk BLEAHPITOOOOOOEEEE!) Coil's biggest mistakes is that he did not move his troops forward in the first 20 turns of the game... he is now scrambling to get his troops into place and is coming under fire as he does so.... even when you are not sure where the enemy is, always move forward scouts to ascertain the location of other hidden enemy infantry (usually by gunfire). You can stay hidden as well, and even if you are sneaking forward through areas of LOS to the enemy, you are still moving forward...

As you can see, Le Coil's other troops near Serenity Now cove are across the road and won't be able to get into the fight as I clobber his recon team with Canuckzilla. My men stay out of the LOS of the mighty 150's as well and now have crossfire past and in front of the Taco Stand flag... I will continue to push forward and crush any other Germans that entered Serentiy now!! Cove and threaten Coil's flank which is weak (only a StuG and Grille) which must turn to engage my infantry... that is where my M-10 comes in... it will swing around and get a bead on those two lone vehicles and hopefully pot them in the side... no use trying to send it up against the gaggle of panzers in the middle, as it will surely be shot to pieces.

One last thing: a lesson on why mortars are the king of the battlefield.
On the left approaching the Taco Stand Flag, a German FJ unit limps into the scattered trees after being ripped by bren and sten gun fire. My 60mm mortar crew anticipating this the previous turn, targets the area most likely where the FJ unit may hit the dirt for cover, and it does... they then plotz the germans with about 5 good hits (one of them the airburst in the picture below) and this will probably break the FJ unit as it has gone symbol 10 seconds into the turn and has not tried to get up or fire back...



This unit is now useless to Coil after he breaks and runs... I'll try to get some troops in place to cut him down as he retreats...

I've also just positioned my 76mm mortar right behind the Taco Stand Flag... and he has LOS to all the approaching lanes through his command officer and plain LOS. Having over 50 rounds of HE, this little critter, albeit slow (just got from my launch point to this position) will be the doom of all the German troopers who move on the Taco Stand, as Le Coil will be expecting Priest fire, and will instead be getting hit by mystery mortar rounds, suppressing and breaking his troops for the next 7-8 turns. The 76mm only needs 3-4 good hits on or around a unit to break it, depending on its level.


So far so good... my day of thinking has helped me square my defensive tactics some, and now that Le Coil is exposing his infantry, I can systematically crush each one of his units as the approach in a single round of mortar or howie fire.

Evhul stuff.

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

"The difference between sentiment and sentimentality is easy to see. When you avoid killing somebody's pet on the glazeway, that's sentiment. If you swerve to avoid the pet and that causes you to kill pedestrians, that is sentimentality. If you see Le Coil walking along the road, and swerve to hit him, your excuse is that you were sentimentally trying to avoid killing a pet that may or may not have been on the road depending upon eyewitnesses."

- Dune Chronicles, Leto addendum 2007.

For those of you who keep track of the points, the latest intel on the FJ Company puts my calculations at this:

1 platoon of StuG Regulars 320
1 platoon of PZ IV Vets 754
1 platoon of Grille regulars 285
1 platoon of FJ Engineers 531
1 75mm scout car regular 95

That's 2000 points folks... or 15 points shy (they above calcs are estimations from my perusal of the kitbuying page).

Okay, here is Leto's rant of the day.

WHY DO PEOPLE CONTINUOUSLY BUY THESE STUPID OVERPRICED FJ ENGINEERS!!!! Each squad is 37 regular and 42 veteran, making them horribly expensive!!! Now seriously, how many people are going to get to chuck a DC at anybody??? Especially if you are not defending?

My defense against anybody pointing out that purchasing a 518 point company of Canuck engineers is just as bad, is that it is not!!! First of all, you get 12 man teams, that make nice little two man squads of 6 when split. You get 2 additional men for the 35 you pay for them. Second, you are not encumbered by FT's or MG's or anything else... you get straight Canuck meat. You need soldiers to hold that ground, and the Canuck engineers have great ammo loads, all around firepower and the DC's for whenever they may be handy as my last concern.

You also get 12 teams (3 platoons) compared to the 8 teams (2 platoons) of units in the FG Company... I have played against about 4 opponents in the last year that came hard at me heavy in German armor, counting on its invulnerability, and light in the infantry end, using FJ engineers each time!!! Every time, my plain old Canuck rifles and engineers chewed those infantry to pieces by simply overwhelming them numbers wise!

How did Le Coil think that he could take the town with only two large platoons of airborne engineers? Simply put: he thought his armor would win the day and that he did not need the heavy infantry... now his strategy may have worked (heck it could still work) by getting those FJ into position early to hold the ground, and then let his armor fight off any advances...

End of rant point of reason: those of you who think that armor wins battles, think again... to get those flags, you need infantry, to keep those flags, you need infantry, and especially on a moderate to heavy terrain cover map, you cannot go light on infantry!!! Even if you overwhelm an opponent with armor, the cagey opponent will sit back and pick off your armor in conjunction with infantry attacks, and not let you gang up on his own armor that is in smaller numbers!!!

That is my position, and if Coil proves me wrong, so be it, I still believe this... infantry is the king of the battlefield when taking or holding flags.

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

"It is by will alone I set my drunk Arse in motion.
It is by the juice of Molson that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire drool, the drool becomes a warning.
It is by will alone I set my drunk Arse in motion.."

- Piter de Vries (translated into canuck)

This is the plan, Stan:



As you can see, the Grille has pop tart action on Canuckzilla, so my 76 is going to drop a few stinkbombs on it as to lessen the blow... as it will take 10 seconds to rotate, and 10 seconds to fire, my boys should be long gone again as the game of musical chairs continues. When the Grille is fully shifted, the M-10 should be in final approach for landing a few AP shells into its flank (The StuG will be out of LOS, so I can take it on 1:1). Once the grille has been fully neutered, I'll shift the M-10's attention to the StuG and use Canuckzilla to steamroll it in the flank. (there is currently 5 units with 190 FP each ripping at his lone unit in SERENITY NOW!! COVE... he will pin right away and then break in 10-15 seconds).

The Red circles indicate where FJ infantry is advancing to cover, and where they are being drenched in flour and then rolled into the deep fryer by howies and mortar fire... should be tasty... I'm using the Colonel's secret recipe from battalion headquarters (a guy named Sanders...) I'm going to take a few indirect potshots at the grille in the middle and then smoke it, so the panzer IV's can't get at the howies... The panzers will either have to reposition and charge up to support, or they will not be able to help their infantry comrades... they will also begin to feel the noose of a pincer attack (weaker on the right with my reduced 4 units of engineers and HQ) that will begin to attenuate their movement and keep their heads up... the next turn should be a wild one.

Cheers!

Leto

[Chipmunk]

Was it a Priest that accounted for the exploding Grille in the second picture of post 31?

[Copper]

Was it a Priest that accounted for the exploding Grille in the second picture of post 31?

Yes.

Cheers!

Leto

[Copper]

"Nazi's (especially Coil-ish Nazi's)... I hate those guys"

-Indiana Jones

A quick overview of what has been happening:

1) a full platoon of germans discovered in SERENITY NOW!! COVE, two squads sent packing by Demo charges and one of my own squads advanced into a hornet's nest of fire... 3 german units remain and are about to be greeted by 105's, 76's and 60mm treebursts. That should teach them. BTW, Le Insidious Coil has two 81mm mortar's across the road in support of his troops in SERENITY NOW!! COVE, and they have been doing a number on CANUCKZILLA in the absence of Grille LOS... Curses!

2) I lost another howie in a gunfight with a panzer IV... one shot one hit, one kill at a low percentage (Priest completely hull down)... I had a 50% change to hit and excellent kill, but it's he who draws first I suppose.. (Hey Quicksdraw, how fast can you draw a guwn? Here let me see: (Quicksdraw McGraw literally draws a picture of a gun on paper) That's how fast!! Yanks need to lose the paper.

3) Mistake with M-10... I was being to careful and may have lost my opportunity... I had not realized how long the pivots and movement across open ground would take to safely get to Grille firing position... it is now end of turn two of these orders, and the M-10 is still not at the middle road... this is disastrous... I have to take out that Grille before it can open up on CANUCKZILLA again.

4) Coil move's his StuG's up close to the flag... not 50m, but close enough for my flag ownership status to be negated... what this tells me is that now the fight will go into extra innings, as a contested flag usually triggers extra turns on the variable turn setting.. I was hoping that Coil may have waited to get too close and then try to launch a last minute attack on turn 30... being that if the flag was not contested, then the game may END PREMATURELY at turn 25 or later... good tip to be cognizatn of when playing these variables...

Here is the scene:



Things are not looking good... I will need to score a kill on the Grille with my M-10 and not lose any more tanks if I am to hold on to this one... my own troops will begin getting saturated with HE, so my ability to hold the Taco Stand is in real jeapordy, with the small flag and Large Taco Stand flag still pretty secure... Hopefully something will go right here for me soon...

Coil is playing masterfully... (choke, sputter).

Cheers!


Leto