Update from the Ardennes Forest
Dispatch from the front
At an American HQ somewhere in the Ardennes Forest
United States forces today released figures indicating that over 3,000 fascist scumbags have been taken prisoner in the central portion of the front near the town of **************. German forces in the area have been withdrawing in panic for most of the previous two days and American GIs have been pushing forward steadily with combined arms support. The exhausted German troops have shown marked lack of initiative and appear to have some kind of major mineral or vitamin deficiency as those taken prisoner all have a wide yellow stripe down their backs.
GIs are in good spirits with plenty of hot food, coffee, and ammunition. Higher headquarters have cautiously announced they believe the worst in the Ardennes is over and the Germans have shot their bolt and missed. No further offensive action on their part is anticipated.
Stay tuned for more news from the front.
Ernie Pyle
War Correspondent
If you run, you'll only die tired.
One hand on the wheel, and one in the flame, One foot on the gas, and one in the grave.
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